Thursday, January 31, 2008

Alone

Well the time has come, and I am now alone. I'm exhausted. Addy and I had a full day. Bathtime went alot better then I expected. How she loves to splash and laugh. I can see her loving the water. I am looking forward to registering her at the Commonwealth in the Starfish program.
She is changing everyday. She watches the world around her. It makes you wonder what she sees.

Myself, the medication is helping. Tonight it will be a little ruff as I will have the intercom on her so I can hear her. My normal bed time meds usually knock me out, so I will avoid taking it tonight. At least until I have moved her crib and all into my room.

The house feels empty.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Clay Time

My table is up (THANKS TO WANDA) . What project do I do first. A vase, a bead, a tile, what oh what can I do!!!

The other day I was visiting Gera Scott Chandler (http://www.gerascottchandler.com/), and every time I walk threw her studio I feel so inspired, she is such an amazing artist. I have her work all over the house. Her Blog is filled with inspiration.
Another artist is Wanda who also inspires me. I love her new teapot (http://www.wandadesigns.blogspot.com/).
So much talent between these two women... getting excited now, need to get the rest of my stuff of the garage so I can work....

Friday, January 18, 2008

Finding acceptance

Moving on in my life it seems hard to believe that in 6 months everything that I believed in has changed. I am on medication now, and it's started to keep me grounded and focused on my task at hand which is to get better to be able to take care of my daughter.
I have been forced into a situation that was so unexpected, but now I am learning to grieve and deal with it head on. I did not want to believe that this was really happening to me. But I am taking control of my life again, learning all over to who I am, and that it's ok to be scared and happy. I can do this, I have to keep telling myself. It's time I do things for myself. I have to heal my open wounds before I can be the best mom possible for Adele. She deserves the best. So I am taking the steps needed. I have created a circle of support. With friends, family, doctors, public health nurse, groups, and GOOD meds. I can get threw this. I will prevail. I will win this battle.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Clean bill of health


Today was Addy's 4 month check-up, and she passed with flying colors. She is now 14 lb 08 ounces and is 63 cm long. First of all SHE'S 4 MONTHS OLD, wow where did the time go. She is growing so fast, it's so unbelievable. We have learned that this little one has a TEMPER. WOW.

She is a great little baby, couldn't have asked for a better littler girl. She loves her bath every night, she smiles all the time, and she has the cutest laugh! I know I am biased. But she really does. And one more thing, can this girl FILL a diaper!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Post Pardum Depression

It's once again been awhile since I have visited this place. Many things keep happening.
It's a new year, and for once I do not know where my life is going to lead.
I'm in a dark place. I have been diagnosed with post pardum depression. With everything that has been happening over the past few months, it has finally taken it's toll on me, and I can no longer keep my happy mask on.
I am getting the help I need, but it's not a quick fix. Nothing in my life right now is a quick fix.
It's hard to wake up in the morning, it's hard to eat, hard to sleep, and it's hard to even enjoy the laughter of my daughter.
Depression is such a horrible place to be. I just want to cover myself up in a hole and not come out. Your insides are screaming and raging in you, and all I can do is try and keep myself together, and not fall. But how I would like to fall, and just stop all this pain, to not feel everything that I am going threw!
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