Well I thought I would get on the band wagon and start a blog. With my daughter being 3 weeks old today. I found that she inspires me. She is a clean slate. There is no hate, no judgement, no opinions on other people, all she knows and understands is love, and warmth and she knows where the FOOD is, aka MOM.
I never saw myself as a mother, I have been a career oriented person. I had NO intentions of ever becoming a mom. I love my job, and worked very hard to get to where I am today. And then when I discovered I was pregnant, it scared me.
As the months passed by, and I grew bigger and bigger. Movement started to happen, and how instinctively I would rub my belly, I saw myself wonder, what have I been missing out. As I reached the end of the pregnancy, difficult times arouse, and I sometimes feel like I was robbed from what should have been a beautiful period in my pregnancy was taken away. I found myself sad, lost, and shattered. I forgot what it was like to smile, to feel happiness. To many negative events have occured.
As I finally went on maternity leave, I found myself longing to hold my daughter, that I was done being pregnant (it's not a myth), I just wanted to know what it felt like to be happy again. There was so many people also waiting for her to arrive. So much sadness in a couple of months that she was the ray of sunshine that many of us needed. She was and is a new beginning for many of us. So much riding on such little shoulders.
Just before she was born, I went in to false labour, and was excited and scared. What was going to happen. When I was told it wasn't going to happen, and that she wasn't ready to come out, I was disappointed and I began to cry. I just wanted to hold her, and be with her. I wanted to smile again.
I finally went into early labour on Sept 17th, I was feeling different, and had to go to the hospital for a stress test. I remember feeling really uncomfortable. After she passed the test (again) with flying colors I had to see the Dr. as I waited, I had 3 contractions (didin't know it at the time) then the Dr. came in and I had to ask him to hold on a second. He asked how many of these "feelings" I had since he walked in, I said about 4, and he informed me that I was in labour, and that she will most likely be born today or tomorrow.
So home I went thinking NAH this is false labour again. Told my midwife the news, and went on with my day. By the evening nothing had really changed, and I told Dustin to go to his class. He called around 8:45 pm and I said no worries nothing new. THEN at 9:00pm an intense pain and I was like "HOLY F***" then another one, bu this time Dustin was still not home yet, and I was ready to climb the walls. He came home and called the midwife. She arrived and off to the hospital!!!
After 3 hours of active labour, and me ready to rip the sink out of the wall. Midwife suggested breaking my water, and get things going a little faster.. WELL as soon as she did that, I remembering feeling like I have to push and PUSH NOW... in a matter of seconds I went from 7cm to 10cm, and ready to go. Once I started to push I thougth NO problem, she be out soon.. How wrong was I. 2 hours I pushed, she got stuck, and I remember asking, what's going on. Everytime the midwife suggested call the Dr. I found a burst of energy and pushed harder!! In the end she was not coming out, but so close, and I remember hearing the midwife says we have to call him. I felt a sudden surge of anger, and told myself NO she's coming out NOW, I hunkered done, and yell "GET OUT" and sudden she moved, and at 1:51am on Sept 18, my little angel was born.
What makes the Sept 18th so special, is that Adele was born, on my mom's birthday, my grandmother's and my great grandmother's birthday. What are the odds!!!!!
And this is why I have started this blog. She has inspired me again. She has brought back some happiness into my life, that I have a purpose. I dedicate this blog and all my creations of polymer clay to her.
