Sunday, October 28, 2007

When time is getting close to saying good-bye

As I write this post I do not know what state my father is in. We recieved the call that he was back in the hospital, no biggy I thought he has been in and out, because of chemo anything like a cold can be deadly. But this call was different. My father suffered sever pain all over his body, that according to my mom looked at her in the eyes and begged her to stop it. I can not imagine what that was like for my mom, but I know it had to be devasting. Listening to Dustin talk to her on the phone, tears rolled down my face.

After getting him to the hosptial and after 2 hours of intense pain there, they finally gave him enough drugs to put him to sleep and take away the pain. My mom explain that the drugs they were using were so strong that he could stop breathing so she laid beside him and held place her head on his back and wrap her arms around and held his hands, and when she thought he was pain free and alseep she would try to pull away,but he would hang on to her. Tears pour down my face as my mom is telling me this story. Finally he was in a deep sleep and she was able to leave and go home.

As I look at my daughter and her big eyes, I know that I have to get her home to be with him. It is one of the last things on his wish list. The cancer as I have learned has pretty much spread threw his body. He is going for chemo on tuesday and perhaps radiation.

My father is a good man, who has a kind and wonderful heart. Who has always treated people with respect, no matter who they are. I hope that as my daughter grows older that I teach her the values that my father has taught me. I see my dad in her.

I am not looking forward to the day that I must say good-bye... I am not looking forward to opening Skype or MSN messanger and knowing that he will never sign onto his computer again, to never see his name pop up and have the words written out "Good morning from the great north".