Bathtime

So Addy is getting bigger and so are her splashes! Bath-time is getting to be a lot of fun with her now.
Splish splash, and nothing can harm her as long as she has her trust facecloth to suck on!

Really would you trust this face with nitro glycerene ;-)

She is becoming more and more a little person. She will be 3 months tomorrow. WOW where is the time going! Already I see so much change and at time it makes me teary, knowing that I will never get that time back with her. As I craddle her in my arms as she sleeps, I think tomorrow she will a little different, and I try to burn the image of her sleeping in my head, so I don't forget in years to come. She is sooo precious, a sponge eager to see the world and I am eager to show it to her!

christmas time

Well it is that time of year, and this being Addy's first Christmas.. I thought this picture was perfect for today. She has no clue what is going on, just that mommy keeps putting this hat on her! Can you believe that she will be 3 months old next week. How time has flown. She is growing so much, and is changing almost everyday. There are mornings I will look at her and see a change. It's really unbelievable.

I have also discovered that to go out shopping anywhere, and to do anything, I need to tack on an extra hour. Why you may ask? Its from all the people stopping me to look at her! I think it's her eyes, she looks at you with her eyes and it's like she is looking into your soul, and then right on cue she smiles at you and she turns a man that looks like he hasn't smiled in years into a this mushy man, eager to see one more smile to make his day. What is it about Addy?

Back from winter wonderland

Well this is a short post, and will fill in more details, but after three weeks of being away, I have returned.
All I can say is -31 is freaken cold. I am just in the process of downloading my photos and will be adding them very soon.
These past few weeks have been an adventure for me, alot of learning and self healing.

It's good to be back in Victoria, but I have learnedd something more valuable, that there is no place like home and right now I miss home!

My little blueberry

Yesterday was a gorgeous day and we went down by the water. Of course MOM had her camera on hand, and snapped a few shots of baby, oh I did take picture of the ocean.. will show those later!!

I think yesterday some more brain nerves snapped into place. She was different, alert, and was smiling more then ever! It was amazing how just in a matter of 24 hours. So our walk was of mommy and daddy smiling the whole time, as our little bundle of joy watched the world for the first time. It was amazing how she just absorbed and watched. With those big blue eyes of her's. How we as adults forget how wonderful the world is, and looking at it threw her eyes really makes you open yours again.

Life and a poopy diaper

Life is passing by me at whirlwind speed that I just can't keep up with it. I am learning on how to cope with my life situation. How to manage my emotions, and keep my head held high, and most of the time I can do it. But there are days that I just can't and my walls cave in and I suddenly feel like I just can't stand anymore. How I would love a good stiff drink!!!!
They you are to learning from what is going on in ones life, and that there is a life lesson here. Well I am being blasted with life lessons and it's happening all at once. Has been since the end of July.

On a happier note, Adele is growing, and she is slowly becoming. She smiles more and more everyday.. but that evens out the crying that she does.

TODAY she pooped and peed ALLLLL over mommy. Diaper wasn't on properly. I was laughing so hard, not because of what happened, but how I realised what she had done. I was just sitting with her, and I was well very engorged in the breasts so I had been uhm leaking. I felt wet and though OMG she can't eat fast enough, then the uhm heavenly smell appeared, and I thought OHHH time to change her. She was making faces just a few moments ago. Then my little angel looks up at me SMILING.. I thought OHHHH how cute. THEN it I clued in... I was COVERED. That little diaper just could hold the explosion that occured. So her pj's are covered, mommy is covered, and she's smiling!!!! That's my girl!

Oh heavenly product called "SHOUT" please take the stains out. Oh and I forgott to mention that she also got a pillow as well!

So in the end of all this babbling what have I learnt ... THAT SHIT HAPPENS
Deal with it

For my mom

This blog is for you mom.
My mom and I don't meet eye to eye on the best of times, and we have our moments, but like my father my mom has taught me strong values. I have learned kindness and understand and she is the other half of who I am today. I don't think I really would be where I am if it wasn't for my mom. She has supported me threw so much, and I don't give her the credit she deserves. She wiped my tears when I was crying and rocked me to sleep when monsters were under my bed or in the closet.

I could never understand her love for me, when I was and still at times a reall shit! But after giving birth and looking into my daughter's eyes I see why now, that a mother's love in unconditional!!!!

I know that my mom is going threw something that I could never imagine would ever happen. It wasn't supposed to be this way. My father and her were to grow old together, sit in a rocking chair swing and yell at the kids in the street. But life throws wrenchs at you, forks in the road.

My mom is a strong woman. I should know I get my strenght from her.

WE as a family will get threw this, we will grow and be strong together. Mom, Dee, and I.

I love you mom, don't ever doubt that

Love Bean

Myths about Midwife

Well yesterday was my last midwife appointment, and it was sad to say goodbye. Aisia Salo was fantastic, and couldn't have asked for a better person to bring our daughter into this world.
Myths about midwives
1. Place of birth - my daughter was not born in a hippie van or in a barn. She was born in the hospital ( but one can choose to have a home birth)
2. Midwives are women from the outback - Midwives are highly educated people that require them to go threw and intense 4 year program.
3. Midwives aren't doctors - no they aren't but they have knowlege that are strictly for birth and taking care of baby. If they see a problem, they will send you to a doctor. They ARE your primary care giver, and take CARE of YOU and baby. Doctors have way to many things on their plate.
4.The best part of a midwife is that it was covered by the health care system.

to sleep or not to sleep, that is the question

The sleep issue is I think the one thing parents struggle with... oh and the crying.
These past few days Adele has tested and broke mommy. Yesterday was baaaddddddddd. To the point that I called Dustin in tears to come home. Lack of sleep and her crying all day, just broke me.
We have been trying to get her to sleep in her bassenette and the night before she cried and cried and cried and OH cried some more. SO NO SLEEP... and she fought sleep yesterday.. she refused to close her eyes, hence mommy crying in the end.

So last night she sleep between us, and that worked. She slept threw most of the night and woke up around 4:30am for a feeding.

So mommy and daddy got somewhat of a sleep.. so I feel normal... but what really is NORMAL now.

When time is getting close to saying good-bye

As I write this post I do not know what state my father is in. We recieved the call that he was back in the hospital, no biggy I thought he has been in and out, because of chemo anything like a cold can be deadly. But this call was different. My father suffered sever pain all over his body, that according to my mom looked at her in the eyes and begged her to stop it. I can not imagine what that was like for my mom, but I know it had to be devasting. Listening to Dustin talk to her on the phone, tears rolled down my face.

After getting him to the hosptial and after 2 hours of intense pain there, they finally gave him enough drugs to put him to sleep and take away the pain. My mom explain that the drugs they were using were so strong that he could stop breathing so she laid beside him and held place her head on his back and wrap her arms around and held his hands, and when she thought he was pain free and alseep she would try to pull away,but he would hang on to her. Tears pour down my face as my mom is telling me this story. Finally he was in a deep sleep and she was able to leave and go home.

As I look at my daughter and her big eyes, I know that I have to get her home to be with him. It is one of the last things on his wish list. The cancer as I have learned has pretty much spread threw his body. He is going for chemo on tuesday and perhaps radiation.

My father is a good man, who has a kind and wonderful heart. Who has always treated people with respect, no matter who they are. I hope that as my daughter grows older that I teach her the values that my father has taught me. I see my dad in her.

I am not looking forward to the day that I must say good-bye... I am not looking forward to opening Skype or MSN messanger and knowing that he will never sign onto his computer again, to never see his name pop up and have the words written out "Good morning from the great north".

from arms to bassenette

My little one is nearly 6 weeks old already. I still can't believe how time has been flying now. Well last night the husband decided that we should try and get her to sleep in her bassenette. For those of you who didn't know, she has been sleep in my arms either on the couch or in bed, and last night was the first night I was not there to comfort her. Before becoming a mom I would have thought "well it's about time" or " must have been nice to not have her with you", but to be honest I missed her. It was so hard on me. Did I have a good night sleep.. well actually I did and didn't. I found myself awake listening to her breath, and every sound she made I was up listening. When it was time to get up and feed her I did so, then placed her back in her bed, as much as I wanted to bring her to bed with me, I had to be consistant. KILLED ME. My husband doesn't completely understand, and that's ok.

As I write this, I am on my own. Husband took Adele so I can have some time to myself. Yet I miss her. Again pre-mommyhood "great time to yourself". I find I feel like I am running around with my head cut off. What do I do??? There are so many things that I can get done, but right now all I want is to sit and watch a movie, and cuddle my little one.

Wow how becoming a mom can really change you. I never thought I would see myself as a mom. Or be able to love somethign SO much, that you heart just feels empty when they are gone.

Just keep Swiming

The past couple of days I have been taking little one out for a walk, and this particular road has a hill to climb. I never realised how much strenght was taken from me. For those of you who hasn't seen me yet, I have lost alot of wait... WHAT you may ask, you just had a baby... I KNOW.. but I weight less then what I did when I got pregnant, and you can't even tell that I had a baby!

Anyways, my legs are really weak, and pushing a stroller up the hill was tough, really tough. Then I had to go down. never realised how much strenght one needed. My legs were shaking. But if I want to do a half marathon next year I will have to do this hill everyday, and get my strenght back.

So as Dorie from "Finding Nemo" says : Just keep swimming!!! Just keep swimming!!! What do we do is SWIM.
Words to live by!

Baby talk and SUD

Yesterday was my first Baby Talk. It's where a group of mothers and babies get together and chat about what is happening and how each of us is dealing with being a new mom, or get knowledge from more seasoned moms. I enjoyed myself and was nice to see that "your not alone". Adele was great, she slept threw the whole thing, well until the end. I weighted her and she is now 8 lb 7 ounces. I am hoping to gain some friendships with this group. Oddly enough I met a mother sitting beside me, and it's a smallllll world but she was from my home area. WHAT are the odds!

S.U.D. - oh man what a wonderful invention!! What is it you may ask.. well Dustin came up with it :
"Shut Up Device" aka a soother! For those of you who get my humour, I was laughing so hard when he said this.
So whenever you hear me talk about SUD you will understand. One lady in the group didn't get the humour in it, and thought I was a horrible mother for even calling something like that.

What I have learned!

When you become a mom, everyone tells you "sleep when you can". Easier said then done. But here are a few things I have learned in the past month.

1. Going for a car ride at 1am down to the ferries - there is NO traffic
2. Loud noises coming from your child's bottom - one hell of a full diaper
3. Use pink blankets when taking her out in public - any other color and people think she's a boy
4. Breastfeeding is good for the baby - yes best decision I made, but in the beginning you need and engineering degree to get them to latch on!!!
5. If breastfeeding get a breast pump - DON'T cheap out and get a cheap one, spend the money and get a GOOD ONE.
6. Diapers - thank god for the almighty disposable diapers and the diaper Genie!
7. Kids grow - They aren't kidding when they say they grow fast.
8. Sleeping arragments - how I miss my bed, but have gotten to know the couch oh so well!
9. breakfast, lunch and supper - two words "Lean Cuisine"
10. Shopping spree - GOING TO OLD NAVY FOR A NEW PAIR OF PANTS!

Best baby gift

It's been a few days since I last wrote here. I had company yesterday my dear friend Vanessa! Vanessa and I met threw my polymer clay guild. She is a kind and wonderful soul and yesterday she gave me the best baby gift a girl could ever ask for, she gave me "help". For the first time of becoming a mom, I was able to accomplish so much! Just having that extra pair of hands gave me the opportunity to relax more, and enjoy the day and actually accomplish more then one thing on my to do list.

So three cheers to Vanessa for just being!

Oh and also she discovered the wonders of a good stroller!!!!

One month today

WOW, I just can't believe it, my little girl is one month old. Where did the time go?
Tomorrow we visit the midwife and see where she is at on weight and her development.
Some of her little outfits already don't fit anymore, and we had to change her diapers to a bigger size.

I know I am biased but boy is she adorable. Yes even when she is crying, she is my little ray of sunshine!

Instructions not included!

I think this picture says it all!!!!!

Breastfeeding

NOT easy thing to do. I all I want to say is MOOOOOO
I know I am doing the right thing for my daughter, so why do people make such a big deal about it in public.
I find myself not wanting to leave the house because I am afraid of feeding my daughter in public, but I know I have to 'get over it' and just flash my breast to the whole world.

Has north america sexualised the breast so much that a mother can not feed her child in public without being given dirty looks.

Keeping up with Star Trek

Well since my little one has been born, I never truely realised what a Star Trek fan I really am. During the whole day, on any given channel there are episodes of all the Star Trek shows.. Next Generation would probably be my favorite, with Voyager a close second... Deep Space Nine ... is not my favorite.

It's kinda like having a little one.. it's to boldly go where no new mom has ever gone before!!

Lack of sleep

As the title indicates... lack of sleep.
It does something to you... My little one has been on a four day no sleep mode. She fights it all the way. It takes hours to get her to sleep again. Evenings are the toughest. I am told that this will pass.. and in the grand scheme of things, this is just a blip, but such a long blip!!!

First Blog - Arrival of Adele Niko Jenkins

Well I thought I would get on the band wagon and start a blog. With my daughter being 3 weeks old today. I found that she inspires me. She is a clean slate. There is no hate, no judgement, no opinions on other people, all she knows and understands is love, and warmth and she knows where the FOOD is, aka MOM.

I never saw myself as a mother, I have been a career oriented person. I had NO intentions of ever becoming a mom. I love my job, and worked very hard to get to where I am today. And then when I discovered I was pregnant, it scared me.

As the months passed by, and I grew bigger and bigger. Movement started to happen, and how instinctively I would rub my belly, I saw myself wonder, what have I been missing out. As I reached the end of the pregnancy, difficult times arouse, and I sometimes feel like I was robbed from what should have been a beautiful period in my pregnancy was taken away. I found myself sad, lost, and shattered. I forgot what it was like to smile, to feel happiness. To many negative events have occured.

As I finally went on maternity leave, I found myself longing to hold my daughter, that I was done being pregnant (it's not a myth), I just wanted to know what it felt like to be happy again. There was so many people also waiting for her to arrive. So much sadness in a couple of months that she was the ray of sunshine that many of us needed. She was and is a new beginning for many of us. So much riding on such little shoulders.

Just before she was born, I went in to false labour, and was excited and scared. What was going to happen. When I was told it wasn't going to happen, and that she wasn't ready to come out, I was disappointed and I began to cry. I just wanted to hold her, and be with her. I wanted to smile again.

I finally went into early labour on Sept 17th, I was feeling different, and had to go to the hospital for a stress test. I remember feeling really uncomfortable. After she passed the test (again) with flying colors I had to see the Dr. as I waited, I had 3 contractions (didin't know it at the time) then the Dr. came in and I had to ask him to hold on a second. He asked how many of these "feelings" I had since he walked in, I said about 4, and he informed me that I was in labour, and that she will most likely be born today or tomorrow.

So home I went thinking NAH this is false labour again. Told my midwife the news, and went on with my day. By the evening nothing had really changed, and I told Dustin to go to his class. He called around 8:45 pm and I said no worries nothing new. THEN at 9:00pm an intense pain and I was like "HOLY F***" then another one, bu this time Dustin was still not home yet, and I was ready to climb the walls. He came home and called the midwife. She arrived and off to the hospital!!!

After 3 hours of active labour, and me ready to rip the sink out of the wall. Midwife suggested breaking my water, and get things going a little faster.. WELL as soon as she did that, I remembering feeling like I have to push and PUSH NOW... in a matter of seconds I went from 7cm to 10cm, and ready to go. Once I started to push I thougth NO problem, she be out soon.. How wrong was I. 2 hours I pushed, she got stuck, and I remember asking, what's going on. Everytime the midwife suggested call the Dr. I found a burst of energy and pushed harder!! In the end she was not coming out, but so close, and I remember hearing the midwife says we have to call him. I felt a sudden surge of anger, and told myself NO she's coming out NOW, I hunkered done, and yell "GET OUT" and sudden she moved, and at 1:51am on Sept 18, my little angel was born.

What makes the Sept 18th so special, is that Adele was born, on my mom's birthday, my grandmother's and my great grandmother's birthday. What are the odds!!!!!

And this is why I have started this blog. She has inspired me again. She has brought back some happiness into my life, that I have a purpose. I dedicate this blog and all my creations of polymer clay to her.